The Handstand, the Mirror, and the Shadow: Lessons in Projection

"F***ing idiot," a woman said as I kicked up to handstand.

My husband and I had hiked to Devil's Bridge in Sedona for the first time. We've been to Sedona many times, but we usually avoid this hike because it's so crowded. However in the hot weather mid week, there were less people on the trails so we were able to make our way there. Devil's bridge is a sandstone arch in the Red Rocks with incredible views, and the skinniest part of it is probably about four feet wide, hanging over maybe 54 feet in the air.

Richard and I went out on the arch together and got some photos. Then he asked if I'd like a photo out there by myself. He told me to jump as he took the photo. I did, and people gasped. This seemed a little silly to me, but I can understand that to the average person, walking out onto that bridge is scary enough, let alone allowing yourself to have zero points of contact with it. Then I asked Richard, "should I do a handstand?"

I kicked up, and keep in mind that I feel 100% comfortable on this ledge. Several things would have to go terribly wrong for me to fall off. And then Richard overheard that woman's comment to me being only on my two hands. I stayed up for probably two seconds and then walked back to collect my things.

"It's interesting how people saying "That's dangerous" is one of the most socially acceptable forms of projection," said Richard as we were walking back. This was right after someone asked me if I was the one doing the handstand and how it was so scary for him to just walk out on the ledge.

So this invited an interesting conversation between my husband and I, all about projection. When someone is "projecting" it means they're unconsciously attributing their own unacceptable emotions, thoughts, or impulses to another person, basically blaming them for their own internal struggles. So in this case, the woman saying "That's dangerous" or "f***ing idiot" is really saying, "I could never do that because I could get hurt. And this person is making me uncomfortable."

Projections really are quite amazing. Think of it as judgement, but a little more subconscious and slippery. Our projections are personal perceptions of the way things are, and they're the gateway to viewing how we honestly feel about ourselves.

I'll share an example that plagued me for years. I used to struggle to be around people that I deemed as "fake" or "inauthentic." If someone was trying too hard, was overly bubbly or had a bunch of plastic surgery, whatever it may be, I would walk away thinking, "Ugh why can't that person just be themselves?"

Over time, I had come to realize that reaction had very little to do with them and a lot more to do with me. Every person is a mirror, and what they were reflecting to me was something I was uncomfortable looking at in my own life. All the ways I was wearing a mask or shapeshifting to fit in. And all the ways I was a slave to my own authenticity and integrity.

When I was a child, I was made fun of relentlessly. Girls didn't feel like a safe space. They made fun of my body, my hair, my chin, my clothes, and even how I chose to wear my backpack higher on my back. Instead of seeing how those were projections of their own to make themselves feel better (which I definitely didn't know how to do as a 12-year-old girl), I decided that it means there's something about me that's unacceptable.

This resulted in me acting in different ways within various groups of people. It's almost like I had different identities depending on who I was around. This was subconscious of course, meaning that I was oblivious to the fact I was doing it. But I had also made a pact with myself not to be like those girls at school, so even though I had mean parts of me, I shoved all of these in my shadow. I tried to become what I thought others wanted me to be, rather than risking rejection and showing up as myself fully.

The "shadow" was coined by Carl Jung, and it refers to the unconscious parts of our personalities that are repressed or disowned. And as Jung states, "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you'll call it Fate."

The interesting thing is that it's so easy to see the shadow in others, but not as easy to see in ourselves. But this is where the projections come in. So when I rolled my eyes being around "fake people", it was my way of saying I'm uncomfortable with the fact that I'm not always authentic either.

Eventually I realized there’s really no such thing as “fake.” That was just the label I was choosing to put on someone. The same goes for words like “brave” that people sometimes use to describe me. These adjectives are more like sliding scales, and we all land somewhere on them depending on perspective. In the end, words only carry the meaning we assign to them.

The judgement I had for fake people was an invitation for me to inhabit my own authenticity more. Interestingly, the more I embrace that truth in myself, the more those around me feel safe to shed their own masks and reveal their messy, beautiful selves. The truth is, the label I was giving was a way of boosting my own ego, to make myself feel superior. That was a hard one to admit.

There's another side to projections that could be seen as more positive. It's called the golden shadow and it's defined as the qualities or strengths we admire in someone else that reflects an untapped potential within us. This can often times show up as envy because those traits, while easy to see in others, are unrecognized within ourselves.

One example from my life is that I've always been inspired by powerful women. They were always my favorite characters on TV. I admired those who seemed confident, fearless, and unapologetically themselves. Looking back, I can see how these were my own golden shadow traits. I looked up to them so much but didn't feel like I could express these qualities myself. As I did deeper work on myself, those three traits emerged and I feel I embody them quite well. My admiration illuminated what I already had inside of me, waiting to be claimed.

Projection, whether negative or positive, is really an invitation to recognize the parts of ourselves we’ve hidden, denied, or longed to express. When we see it in others, instead of reacting to it, we can choose to learn from it. The handstand, the “fake” people, and the powerful women I looked up to; all of these are a guide back to my own authenticity.

So the next time you catch yourself judging or admiring someone, I encourage you to turn the lens inward and see what's being reflected. Your projections are powerful tools for growth and self discovery.

All the best,

Sydney Olson